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Challenging Teenage Sons Blog

Transforming Conflict to Cooperation


Without Young Men There Is No World Series

By Dr. Mark Schillinger, DC  October 21, 2014

For the most part, the World Series is played by young men, many of them the same age as your sons – late teens to late 20s. The reason these young men made it to the big leagues is because there were parented and/or coached using a specific set of virtues and values. It’s that simple.

GiantsYoung Men Need Guidance
Many of the players on the Kansas City Royals and the San Francisco Giants came up through their minor league systems, which emphasized virtues such as Patience, Cooperation, Resilience and Composure.

When the young men strayed from their instructions and just played their own game, the coaches did not sugarcoat what would probably happen: they wouldn’t graduate to the next level of success.

When the parents/coaches skillfully combined the magic of caring and repetition, the young men quickly learned that boundaries are not obstacles, but are gateways to higher levels of happiness and achievement.

Even though he won’t tell you this, your son wants to be treated the same way as these ballplayers. He needs to know the exact virtues, values (a clear, concise definition of a virtue) and the specific behaviors that demonstrate the ideals you wish to teach him. Most importantly, he needs specific guidance on how to become more mature and independent.

Trusting Your Son to Do The Right Thing
Lots of parents tell me that they don’t trust their sons to take proper care, either of themselves or of others. Part of the problem is that their sons are afraid of making mistakes. As parents, we have to accept that they won’t always get it right the first time. Just like us. Our job is to stay calm and consistently teach them – not just talk to them – what they need to know in order to be successful.

Giants third-base coach Tim Flannery, talking about Giants manager Bruce Bochy and his patience with his players, said, ”I think his strength is his weakness, but it always turns out to be his strength. He’ll trust the guys. He’ll always put them in that position to do it again.”

Here is what Flannery was referring to. When Bochy’s players make mistakes, he supports them and helps them to succeed by letting them fail and also keeping them on the field, until they get it right.

Stop Parenting, Start Mentoring
At our upcoming workshop, Parenting Your Teenage Son, I teach parents how to clearly define their virtues, values and the exact behaviors that they know their sons need to have. I’ve been “in the trenches” with thousands of young men at the Young Men’s Ultimate Weekend. I’ve learned how to communicate and motivate them, no matter how immersed they are in their digital, drug and social addictions.

I’ll be sharing my secrets with parents, for the last time this year, on Saturday, November 1 and Sunday, November 2 at the Challenging Teenage Sons.com office in San Rafael. For more registration information click here.

True,

Dr. Mark

PS - There will be a FREE Conference Call on Monday, October 27 from 8 PM to 9 pm (PT) to learn more about the upcoming parent workshop and our “rite of passage” initiation event, The Young Men’s Ultimate Weekend.

Call (559) 726 – 1000; access: 564523#

Mark

 

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Transforming Conflict to Cooperation
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